How the Hell Did I Not Know That?

I WROTE A BOOK

Instead, I watched 90 Day Fiancé. Okay, I’m exaggerating. I also watched 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After, 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days, and 90 Day Fiancé: What Now, and when I got bored with the fiancé-ing, Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, and Married at First Sight. 

I couldn’t face anything or anyone that would require more of me than the remote did.

I decided that if I was going to spend my days on the couch, at least I should be learning something. So I researched how the fiancé visa process works and how it differs from the spousal visa process. Then I discovered that some medical conditions can disqualify you, so I researched those. Then when I found out that the plague is a disqualifier, I thought, “What is fuck is the plague anyway? A specific disease? Or if x number of people die, do you call it a plague?”

I continued to chase down every little thing I was curious about–yes, starting with TV, but as my world expanded, so did the areas of curiosity.

Anyhow, I wrote a book about my couch-to-curiosity project–a book that’s both learn-y and funny.

I NEED AN AGENT

I didn’t know a single thing about getting a book published, so I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure that out.

Here’s the quick rundown of how things work in traditional publishing (that is, publishing with one of the five major publishers or one of their imprints: Penguin/Random House, Hachette, Harper Collins, Simon and Schuster, and Macmillan).

Yes, there are other publishing options: independent presses, hybrid publishing, self publishing, etc. But I’m at least going to take a shot at traditional publishing first.

The process:

1. You write an AMAZING book.
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2. You send your one-page pitch, called a “query letter” to a list of agents interested in your book genre.
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3. Agents read the query letter…maybe. Reading queries is last on an agent’s to-do list, because that’s not where the money is. Agents are focused on representing their current clients and maybe taking some on from referrals. But reading queries from the “slush pile”? Agents get to them when they can get to them. And the slush pile is enormous, with some agents getting hundreds of queries per week. They may take on five new clients per year, ten max, if they have room for new clients at all. The chances of a writer making it out of slush are tee-niny.
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4. Agents will consider a novel (by definition, fiction) of a new/unknown writer.
   But agents won’t take on non-fiction books unless the writer has a significant platform–that is, a clear following of readers who will buy the book. So a non-fiction writer will focus on their website, newsletter, Facebook author page, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube/TikTok, articles in magazines, podcasts, speaking, just whatever they can do to build a group of people clamoring for their book.
   Platform: that’s the part I’ve been working on, as you have probably noticed.
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5. If agents are interested in the query of a non-fiction writer, they’ll ask the writer to send along a proposal, which is a 40-60 page document that details the book, the writer’s platform, and the writer’s marketing plan for selling the book. Fiction writers get to skip the proposal step (please remind me to write a novel next time).
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6. If an agent is convinced that the book, platform and marketing plan are solid, and if the agent is IN LOVE with the book, the agent may offer representation. The agent will then work with the writer on another edit of the book.
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7. When the manuscript is all spiffy, the agent will send it out to specific editors at the publishing houses who might be interested. Your chances of an editor being interested? Also tee-niny. They get pitched a kazillion projects and can take on very few.

I’ll cut it off there, because you’re getting the picture. It’s n’er impossible, but I’m going to try anyway. Y’know, Ironman was impossible, and I did two of those suckers. Who’s to say I can’t get this done?

TODAY I LEARNED

In the hopes of building interest in my yammerings, I’m going to start posting my curiosity/learning of the day. The photo above is today’s.

Where will I post?
EVERYWHERE: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
Each social platform has a different audience/reach, so the goal is to maximize that.

So…
I hope you’ll follow me in one of these spots and enjoy the daily learnings.
Facebook author page (which is different than my regular Facebook Page)
Instagram
Twitter
And if there is something you enjoy, please comment and share!

AND LAST, know anyone who might want in on these newsletters? They can sign up here:
Newsletter
But PLEASE don’t send me anyone who is offended by cursing. I already got some hate mail about that, and I don’t need more. Girl’s gonna curse.

THE GRACE OF A STRANGER

Oh, wait, something else. BUT REALLY, THIS IS THE LAST THING.
I had a piece published by NextTribe today, about figuring out life post-divorce. I hope you’ll give it a read.
The Grace of a Stranger

Thanks friends, y’all are the best.

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